


Tourbus Adventures

by blandade



Category: Hurts
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-12
Updated: 2012-03-12
Packaged: 2017-11-01 20:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/361021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blandade/pseuds/blandade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What goes on in the tourbus...stays in the tourbus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in Theo's POV, mostly. Has a little bit of a diary theme to it.

_Day 1_

 

_I'm gonna write everything down. That's my New Year's resolution. I know it's silly, something a 12 year old girl might do, but I feel obligated. My life has become this amazing adventure, almost over night. It would be a crime not to record it, not to write everything down so I could read it when I'm old, with grey hair, sitting in my rocking char. Or maybe I could show it to my grandchildren one day, if it isn't too explicit, and if I have any of course._

_We talked about it with Adam once. He's the only one I can talk about such things now, he's the only one who understands. I feel very close to him, from time to time, closer than I should. There, I said it, and from now on I have to hide this piece of brilliance from him or I'll be screwed. If he finds out..._

_I dare not think about it. So I'll be on my way, we have an after party to get to, free booze and horny women all lusting after us. Sounds a bit vain, of course, but it's the truth. I have no reason to lie._

_A blond for tonight. Maybe. I had a brunette the week before, a little variety is always good when you're constantly on the road, the same setlist, the same schedule. A man can go crazy from it all. At least I have Adam to pull me back down to Earth when it gets too overwhelming._

_No, no Adam, women. Amazing women, horny women, sexy, mysterious, foreign women. That's what I want. That's what I need. That's what I'm going to get._

 

I closed the stupid notebook and hid it under my pillow where no one would go looking for it. I felt embarrassed to even write it in the first place, what if someone found out. What if he found out. I'd never hear the end of it.

I tugged the curtain of my bunk back, slung my legs over the edge and jumped down. The bus was quiet for a change, no sign of the usual mayhem that went on here. The things that had happened here...they were one of the reasons I had decided to write it all down. They were too unbelievable, I was afraid I would think of them as vivid dreams unless I put them into words.

The door to the main lounge opened suddenly, the bright light making me squint my eyes.

„What are you doing back here?“ a familiar voice startled me.

Once my eyes got used to the light, I could make out Adam's profile.

„Nothing. Thinking,“ I muttered, straightening myself up and moving towards him.

„In the dark? Real deep, man.“

„Shut up,“ I chuckled, pushing past him, „I thought everyone had left. Why are you still here?“

Adam followed me, leaning against the wall as I sat down on the couch, grabbing a beer from the table. It was a little warm but it would do the trick.

„I was waiting for you,“ he simply stated.

I glanced up, studying his face. It was blank as always, no emotion showing through. I had become better at reading him over the years, but he was still a mystery sometimes.

„Oh? Afraid of getting lost in the big city?“ I marked him, talking like I would with an infant.

„The other way around, babe,“ Adam laughed, his forehead wrinkling up as he lifted his eyebrows, clearly very amused by me.

I shrugged. It was true, I was useless in unfamiliar places, always relying on someone else to find the way for me. Otherwise I got lost and ended up wandering around aimlessly.

„You wanna go now or...?“ I asked him, sipping my drink. I hadn't eaten much so I already felt a slight tingle in my toes. I made a mental note to take it easy tonight or I'd feel like shit tomorrow.

„Sure! You don't wanna change your clothes first though?“ he eyed me critically.

„What's wrong with my clothes?!“ I stared down at myself.

„Your suit looks like you've slept in it,“ he huffed, smirking at me.

„I probably did,“ I sighed, running a hand over my face. The concert had taken a lot out of me.

I stood up, finishing the beer with one go, and waddled back to the back room. I shrugged out of my clothes, dropping them on the ground next to my suitcase. I could feel Adam's eyes on my back as I fished for a new outfit, feeling very exposed in nothing but my boxer shorts.

„Do you mind?“ I turned to him, finding his eyes lingering somewhere below my face.

He startled out of his reverie, clearing his throat.

„Sorry,“ he mumbled, turning and leaving me staring at his back as he returned to the lounge.

 

„So where were we supposed to meet up with the guys?“ I asked him once we had been on the road for at least ten minutes.

„How do you not forget to breathe?“ Adam chuckled, shaking his head, „just follow me. I know where we're going.“

„Is this the part where you lead me to an abandoned alley and leave me there to get killed by prostitutes?“ I asked, making my voice sound scared.

Adam laughed out loud, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

„Nah! I still need you. It would be hard to replace you.“

„Naww, was that a compliment?“ I glanced sideways, cocking an eyebrow.

„Nah, it just means I'm too lazy for it.“

I pushed him away, gasping and laughing at the same time.

„You shameless bastard!“

Adam just raised his hands in defence.

„You asked!“

I shook my head, enjoying the banter. It reminded me of the kids we had been when we first met, inexperienced and naive. We had come through hell together and we were still the same people, maybe a little more sensible...but only a little.

I rubbed my hands together, the cold finally getting to me.

„Why don't you put on your gloves?“ Adam asked, noticing my discomfort.

„I can't, I left them on the bus,“ I moped, blowing hot air on my fingers.

„No you didn't. They're in your pocket.“

I glanced at Adam before pulling out the black leather gloves, exactly where he said they would be. He laughed at my surprised expression, patting the back of my head as I slid them on and closed the zipper, my fingers instantly warming up.

„What would you do without me?“ he sighed, a big grin still lingering on his lips.

„I don't know,“ I muttered, „probably get killed by prostitutes in an abandoned alley?“

 

„Where the fuck were you guys!?“ Paul called out over the pounding music, hugging the both of us like he hadn't seen us since September.

„Theo,“ Adam simply stated, like it explained everything.

I elbowed him to the ribs before acquiring a drink for myself to keep the buzz that was still lingering from the beer I had had before. I didn't remember when alcohol had become a daily routine for us. It just happened. Comes with the job, I guess.

„Hey, check this out,“ Adam muttered, gesturing at something over my shoulder. I turned, sipping the bitter liquid, searching for something that could catch his eye.

My gaze stopped on two young women not more than a few meters away from us, pretty faces, legs that seemed to go on forever, long hair washing down over their shoulders. They were looking at us from the corner of their eyes, trying to be subtle, but failing miserably.

„Blonde or brunette?“ he ashed, smirking at me questioningly. I smiled back, cocking my head to the side, thinking. We knew how to share.

„Brunette,“ I chose, looking at Adam to see if he approved. He nodded, his expression knowing. I always went with the brunettes.

„Should we go talk to them or...?“ I asked, suddenly unsure. I still wasn't used to the attention, feeling insecure whenever there was a beautiful woman around.

Adam laughed, patting my cheek.

„Yes! Mate, you should really get over that fear. Haven't you gotten enough experience by now?“

I frowned. Adam was always so on the point, so forward, so confident. He knew what he wanted and he went after it, taking no prisoners. I wished I could be like that, instead of an awkward nerd who'd been thrown into the world of popstars. I did my best to keep up the appearance, but sometimes I slipped up. And Adam found it very amusing each time I did.

„Come on,“ he grabbed my elbow, dragging me with him. The girls turned to look at us approaching, sweet smiles spreading over their lips. I smiled as well, slipping back into the role I had almost perfected over those months on the road. Adam let go of me when he noticed I was holding my own, directing his attention fully on the petite blond, charming her even before he opened his mouth.

 

We stepped out of the club a few hours later, cackling at something one of the girls said, not even exactly sure what it was. My hand was around the brunette's waist, her hair tickling my neck as the soft wind blew it in my direction. Her scent tickled my nostrils as I nudged her cheek with my nose, my lips tickling her skin. She giggled, one of her hands smoothing over my chest. Adam glanced back, winking at me as we strode along, toward the direction of our bus. We knew no one else was back yet, we'd have it all to ourselves.

Adam and the blond stopped to kiss on the way, his hands lacing through her hair, his arm circling her body. I couldn't keep my eyes off them, watched as their lips moved against each other, his glistening tongue briefly visible before the air between them disappeared again. I forced myself to look at the girl in front of me, desperate to taste her lips, to feel that closeness. Her eyes were hooded, her teeth sinking into her flesh as she stared up at me. I took her head between my hands before leaning down, inhaling sharply when I finally felt her. I deepened the kiss instantly, licking my way into her mouth, enjoying the way she moaned into our kiss. Her fingers tickled my neck, a shudder running down my spine as goosebumps rose on my skin. I opened my eyes and glanced over her head as I continued kissing her, finding Adam's intensely blue eyes staring at us the same way. I smiled after pulling away, licking over my lips, cocking an eyebrow as I sent him a questioning look. He broke the kiss as well, taking her by the waist and continuing the journey towards the bus.

We followed as I was totally lost again, not knowing which way we had come from and which way was „home“. Her grip on me tightened, one of her fingers slipping under my shirt, touching the naked skin. I was glad when our destination appeared after we rounded the next corner. The anticipation was almost over.

„Welcome to our humble home,“ Adam spoke for the first time since we had left the colourful lights of the club, opening the door and guiding his girl in. He held it open till we had passed him as well, exchanging a smug look with me, the corners of his mouth twitching up. His lips were still flushed and glistening from the assault that had been performed on them earlier, his eyes bluer than ever in the sudden light that was streaming out onto the sidewalk.

„After you,“ he muttered, his voice low and husky.

I went up the steps without a word, feeling his eyes on my back as I approached the lounge where the girls had already started looking around, taking in the big TV and fancy couches. The buses were high end, yes, that didn't make them comfortable though.

I approached my girl, snaking my hands around her waist from behind, kissing her neck. She sighed, leaning back into me, her head resting on my shoulder. One of her hands reached up and scratched over my hair, grabbing at the longer strands. I moaned softly as she pulled at them, pressing her hips back at me at the same time, creating friction between us. I was already aroused, the movement of her body making it worse.

I could see Adam pulling his girl towards the bunk area, a little further away from us, creating space. I couldn't tell if I was relieved or a little annoyed, and even that little moment of confusion made me angry, at myself, at him. I attacked my girl's mouth with newly found focus, turning her around in my arms, taking her breath away. My jacket hit the ground, my shirt following shortly after. She was hungry and I wasn't about to let her starve.

I unzipped her dress, letting it slide down around her body, over her curved hips and soft skin. She shuddered as the cool air hit her, snuggling closer to me to steal my warmth. Her skin felt wonderful against mine, her bra tickling my chest. It had to go.

She broke the kiss as I slid it off, her eyes a little shy as she unconsciously tried to cover herself. I took her hands in mine and smiled encouragingly, telling her she didn't need to be embarrassed, she was beautiful.

I laid her down on the soft carpet, deciding it would be more comfortable there than the narrow couch. She looked up at me as I lowered myself onto her, her cheeks flushed and her hair running wild around her head. She looked savage, untamed, exciting. That was one of the few things I liked about my lifestyle, the constant moving around. We got to meet new people every day, got to experience things we would never have known if we'd gotten stuck in Manchester. Women like this, for example, were rare and hard to come by at home.

I kissed the soft skin behind her ear, enjoying her soft sighs, continuing my journey down her jaw and neck, feeling her heart pounding in her chest. Her fingers fidgeted with my belt, trying to get my pants off. She slid a hand inside once my zipper was open, rubbing over the aching bulge in my boxers, getting a low moan in return as my hips jerked forward. I shrugged out of my trousers, discarding them along with my boxers, trying to stay as close to her body in the process. She was squirming underneath me, watching my every move, her eyes running over my skin and muscles. She got rid of her own panties, too impatient to wait any longer.

I fished a condom out of the puddle of clothes that was piled up next to us, taring the packet with my teeth. She took the rubber away from me, biting her lip and looking straight into my eyes as she reached down and wrapped a hand around my length, squeezing harder than she needed to for what she was doing. She rolled the latex over my tip and down to the base, massaging it on the way down. I knew my mouth was gaped open but I couldn't close it. There was already too little air left in my lungs without me blocking the only proper way in. 

Her legs came up around my hips as her arms circled my body, her ankles locking behind my back. I could feel her heat radiating up at me, so inviting, so tempting. I laid on top of her, feeling every inch of her skin with mine, her soft curves, her hard stomach, the hot breaths on my face. I slipped my tongue past her lips, whimpering as her long nails dragged painful lines down my back. She placed her palms on my ass, pulling me closer till I felt her hard and hot against my length. I gasped audibly when she moved her hips, sliding me along her entrance, squeezing my sides with her thighs.

I pushed her hands away with a growl, getting enough distance to slide into her, mounting with one fluid thrust. She arched up off the ground, her head thrown back, her bare chest pressing into me. I pulled back, throwing my hips forward a moment later, a long whimpering moan leaving her mouth. She opened her eyes, her gaze fixed on something far away, totally lost in herself. I built up a steady pace that seemed to work for both of us, moving my hips in long languid thrusts, nibbling on her collarbone.

A low moan coming from somewhere above us took me out of my trance, my brain needing a little time to understand where it came from. I looked up, taring my eyes away from her face, my hips never stopping. I saw Adam and the blond sprawled out over the floor between the bunks, the exact mirror image of us, his elbows resting on each side of her head, his body moving over her, slowly but deliberately. A loud moan left my mouth at the sight, deep blue eyes instantly connecting with mine. Adam never faltered, keeping his pace even, pounding into her with force. His mouth was gaped open, his face flushed, sweat pearling on his temples. It was explicit, so detailed, I was afraid I was gonna come just from the visual interpretation of what I was doing to the woman underneath me, Adam matching my every move with his own, still keeping eye contact.

I scrunched up my face in attempt to hold back, to get her off before I did. I put my fingers into play, sliding on hand down between us, rubbing over her sensitive spot, hearing her whine through her nose. Adam's eyes flickered down, following my hand, before coming back up to rest on my face. He put his weight on one of his elbows, the muscles in his arm flexing and drawing out underneath his milky skin, and did the same, making the blond moan shamelessly. I smirked, speeding up my thrusts, starting a silent battle with him, both understanding perfectly. He matched my pace and added a little extra, the lines on his forehead getting deeper as he concentrated, on getting her to cross the line and keeping himself from doing just that at the same time.

The blond started shivering underneath him, only a moment before the brunette did the same, her insides clamping down on me relentlessly, leaving me breathless and no longer able to hold back. I came with a loud groan, my teeth baring, my nose scrunching up. The waves got more intense as I saw Adam thrust down one last time, hundred different emotions running over his face, his arm giving out as he slumped down on top of her, moaning into her neck.

I looked down at the girl underneath me. Her beautiful face was still blissed, her eyes closed, her nostrils flaring as she breathed. I kissed the tip of her nose, making her giggle and smile up at me. I laughed at how cute she managed to look when only a minute ago, she had been in a completely different state. My eyes automatically glanced up at that, the laughter dying in my throat. Adam was staring at us, his expression unreadable. His lips twisted into a smirk a moment later though, one of his eyebrows shooting up. I knew what that meant. A silent brotherly „well done“ and a pat on the back, like he always did every time he knew I had found myself a woman the night before. Only this time, there was no need for guessing. He had witnessed it. I just hoped he wouldn't read too much into the intense eye contact we had had during our little escapade. We couldn't afford awkwardness between us, not when on tour, not ever.

 

 

_Day 2_

 

_Yesterday was intense. I still can't believe I received an upper-class eyefucking from my best mate whom I, from time to time, tend to undress with my eyes when no one's looking. Shit, there it is again. This writing down my thoughts and feelings isn't going too well, is it? I only seem to talk about one thing..._

_And that's the thing I shouldn't even think about, let along write down where god knows who could find and read it. But last night..._

_There was something there, I wasn't making it up. Something in his eyes, the way he looked at me, I could almost swear the thoughts in his head matched mine. But I can never be sure, nor can I ask him. I am a coward after all. And cowards don't get to fuck their best mates and come out intact on the other side. Neither metaphorically nor literally. Although in whole honesty, I have the desire to do only one of the above._


	2. Chapter 2

_Day 8_

 

_The dreams should bother me more than they do. I mean, what would you think if your best mate made a frequent appearance, usually with one or two items of clothing missing. Or even all of them, with him flushed and begging for it underneath you, eyes all black and wild…_

 

_Where was I? Right…the dreams. They started after our little adventure last week. At first they were innocent, well innocent enough, with us going out to party, coming back with company. They always ended the same way, with the brunette moaning my name. The girls were there, they were always there…until they weren’t._

 

_There was just him after that, his heavy breathing, sweat pearling on his temples, his deep voice whispering in my ear…_

 

_And it got out of hand. I’m waking up with a raging hard on every morning, with no one there to take care of it but myself. It’s getting ridiculous. The guys already think I’m weird, but now they need to put up with me taking long showers, leaving them banging on the bathroom door while I’m trying to concentrate on not barging out into the corridor with my dick staring up at them. That would teach them a lesson. I might do that next time, just to see their stupid faces go red from embarrassment. Hey, maybe Paul would even like it, he’s more hands on than most lads I know…_

 

„Theo, for fucks sake! It’s not enough that you barricade the bathroom every fucking morning for the past week, now you decide to take a long shit right before bedtime?“ Paul’s annoyed voice echoed through the thin wooden door, „get your ass out of there before I piss myself! And light a match or something, I don’t have a gas mask with me-“

 

He shut up when I tore the door open, glaring at him with the most serious face I could conjure up. I could see the others sitting in the lounge, all watching the scene in front of them, obviously ignoring the gory film playing on the telly.

 

„Relax!“ I exclaimed, waving one of my hands in front of his face, the other clutching my chest where the little notebook was hidden, „all yours.“

 

„What’s that?“ he asked curiously, observing the shape of the item that was tugged under my shirt.

 

„Nothing,“ I said quickly, pushing past him and heading for the bunks to get it to safety.

 

„Is that…were you wanking off in there?! That better not be my magazine you stole! I don’t want to find the pages sticking together, you hear me?“ he shouted after me, my cheeks growing hot when I thought about the guys, no doubt laughing their asses off behind my back.

 

I tucked the notebook under my pillow and put on a brave face, straightening my back and heading towards the sound of flesh being torn off. The guys were still laughing, completely oblivious to the fact that there was a zombie eating its way through a woman on their screen, her bare tits bouncing as she tried to get away. Typical.

 

„I’m so glad I could entertain you,“ I said dryly, sitting down on the only free spot, crammed between Adam and Richard, ignoring the little twitch my abdomen made when I felt his heat radiating through my clothes. Maybe I should have wanked off, at least it would’ve eliminated the spontaneous boner problem.

 

Pete was practically choking on the chair opposite, his round face red and his eyes watery. Richard’s gigantic body shook beside me, hiccuping from laughing too hard. Adam seemed to be the only adult here, letting a small smile spread across his lips, nothing else. I was grateful. He even crossed his legs to give me more room, easing the claustrophobia that threatened to creep up on me.

 

„I bet you’re glad the girls are on the other bus now, aren’t you?“ Pete laughed, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

 

„They wouldn’t survive here with you animals anyway,“ I huffed, leaning back against the couch pouting. Which made Pete laugh even louder, of course.

 

„I’m gonna get a beer, you want one?“ Adam suddenly asked, standing up and almost running to the kitchen.

 

„Yeah…sure,“ I called after him, quirking an eyebrow. He was acting strange, but he seemed to be my only real friend on this bus so I wasn’t gonna push, I couldn’t afford to lose his support.

 

Paul came out of the toilet while Adam was gone, landing in his space, totally not bothered by the fact he was almost crushing me against Richard’s stony side.

 

„So what happened while I was gone?“ he asked, his eyes glued to the screen. He seemed to be the only one interested in the B-rated movie that was tonight’s only entertainment…besides me of course.

 

„The girl with the big tits got mauled alive,“ I muttered, letting my eyes wonder around the room, not bothering with the badly constructed CGI that was supposed to be an alien ship. Zombies and aliens? They combine everything nowadays, don’t they…

 

„The blond? Damn, I liked her,“ Paul sighed, leaning his elbow on the armrest, resting his head on his hand.

 

„Of course you did! She had her clothes on only for like two seconds in the beginning of this crap,“ Richard bellowed, waving his big palm dismissively towards the TV.

 

Paul only chuckled, not even trying to deny it. Adam came back, frowning at him when he handed me my bottle and sat on the ground next to the telly, his ankles crossed, facing us. I took a big gulp of my beer, trying not to look at the little patches of skin that were peeking out as his black shirt stretched back around the buttons. I could imagine myself kneeling down in front of him, sliding a finger under the fabric, touching the texture of his soft skin…

 

I snapped myself out of the reverie, downing another gulp of the bitter liquid I so much despised, but put up with when nothing else was available. I had to smother my thoughts, the desire. It wasn’t love, I had established that pretty quickly, it was something instinctive, something far more powerful than a simple crush would’ve been. My body wanted him, not my mind, and I had always been useless when it came to listening to reason. Even now, with all our mates in the same room, I couldn’t help myself…

 

I stood up, crossing the distance between us, tugging him up by the front of his shirt, couple of buttons popping off. He gasped as I crashed our mouths together, evading his mouth with one fluid motion, lapping at his tongue, feeling his moans vibrating through my body. I ripped the rest of his buttons off as well, hearing them clatter on the floor. Adam looked so helpless when I manhandled him out of his clothes, bending him over the table, claiming him. I thrust in, Adams fingers clawing at the wooden surface, his mouth open in a silent cry, his wild eyes trying to look back at me. I moaned loudly, the sensation of him stretching around me driving-

 

„Theo are you okay?“ Adam asked, concern in his eyes.

 

I snapped back to reality, finding myself sweating, my breathing heavier than usual, my slippery hands gripping the bottle till my knuckles turned white. Everyone was looking at me, staring like I had finally lost my mind completely.

 

„Theo?“ Adam kept persisting, already sitting up to come check on me. I panicked.

 

„’m fine!“ I yelped out, my voice higher than usual. He couldn’t come near me, not now.

 

„You don’t look fine! Are you feeling sick?“ he was on his feet, I had to act quickly.

 

„Yes!“ I gulped, grabbing at the closest explanation, bolting up from the couch and towards the safety of the bathroom. I could hear his footsteps behind me. I felt bad, he was just concerned and trying to help, but I acted like I was afraid of catching some bad disease if he got too close. I slammed the door shut in his face, locking it before he could barge in after me, staggering back till my back hit the wall. I was panting now, air wheezing in and out at a compelling speed, leaving me dizzy and disoriented. This was not happening…I did not just dream about fucking my best mate in a room full of guys. I did not just go through a complete meltdown in front of my friends. I did not just have to run out of the room and lock myself in the bathroom to hide the traitorous bulge in my pants.

 

I looked down, and groaned. It was still there, taunting me, making my eyes go blurry. Why were they blurry? I touched a finger to my cheek and it came away wet. Was I crying? This was not happening!

 

My lungs tightened up, no air going in or out. A terrified whine left my throat, making the banging on the door even more desperate. I could hear his voice calling my name, the sound somehow muted, like it had to travel a long way to reach me. The strangled sob that left my throat was the final straw.

 

„That’s it, I’m breaking the door down,“ was the last think I managed to hear before the flimsy piece of wood flew off its hinges, startling me, my legs growing weak as I fell to my knees, my fingers desperately clawing at my chest. There was no air…

 

The corners of my vision started to go black as I crouched forward, trying to rest my forehead on the cool tiles. But a pair of warm hands cupped my cheeks and lifted my face up, his mouth moving but no sound reaching my ears. He looked terrified, I could feel his fingers trembling against my skin. My mouth was gaped open, cold sweat covering my face, his blue eyes remaining the only thing I could still see through the darkness that was taking over. Suddenly my lungs relaxed, air rushing out in one fluid motion before my eyes turned back in my head and everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

My eyes opened to find the ceiling of my bunk staring back at me. I couldn't remember how I got there or when, or why I was sleeping in my clothes. I groaned when a dull headache settled firmly in my skull, with no intention of leaving.

„Theo?“ Adam's head popped out from behind the edge of the bed, like he had been sitting and waiting for me to wake up.

„Adam...what are you...what happened?“ I asked, still confused.

„You had a panic attack.“

I stared at him. He wasn't joking.

„I what?!“

„Yeah, I'm still not sure what happened though. You were fine one minute and totally lost it the next. Are you okay now, at least?“ He asked, concern in his eyes, touching the back of his hand to my forehead as if to check my temperature.

„I'm good, I..,“ and then I remembered what had happened before my apparent meltdown, all of it, the dreams, the fantasy...

I slid a hand under my pillow, sighing in relief when they touched the corner of the notebook. My...diary. It still felt weird to call it that. Adam noticed my actions but didn't ask anything, his eyes still firmly on mine.

„Where are the guys?“ I asked, directing his attention elsewhere.

„They're in the lounge. I kicked them out once we had you relocated here. You're quite heavy for a skinny bloke, aren't you?“ he laughed, finally settling into the familiar banter.

„Oh shut up! I'm thankful though. They would've used the situation to their own advantage.“

It wouldn't have been the first time I woke up with a dick drawn across my forehead.

„I wouldn't have let them,“ Adam smiled softly at me, resting his chin on the edge of my bed.

„Thanks,“ I smiled back, grateful that I had a friend like him, someone who always had my back.

Which is why I had to do something about those bloody dreams of mine! I couldn't be around him like I used to if I didn't get a hang of this thing.

„Adam...I'm really really thankful and all, but...could you give me a minute? I need to get my head straight before I face the guys.“

Straight. What a brilliant choice of words!

Adam nodded, patted my cheek and left the room. I heard the guys starting to ask him questions even before the door swung shut, giving me a taste of what was to come once I finally crawled out there.

I pulled out the notebook, staring at it accusingly. I would've wanted to pin everything that had happened on the little bundle of paper and ink, but I couldn't. Those thoughts had begun long before I started writing them down. To be fair, they had intensified and evolved to a whole other level, but who was to tell they wouldn't have done that anyway?

 

 

_Still, Day 8, I guess?_

 

_Just realized I didn't ask Adam how long I was out. It couldn't have been that long, could it? With the guys all still cramped up in the next room? I'll find out once I've gathered enough courage to go out there, I guess._

_What should I tell them? That I daydreamed about fucking Adam into a table and had a panic attack because of it? Well, they probably already know the last part, but they need an explanation. Something they wouldn't question, something..._

_I'm gonna have to lie, won't I? Easier said than done. The others I can fool, easily, but Adam...he knows me too well. Hell, he probably knows me better than I know myself most of the time! He'll know something is wrong and ask questions, I'm just not sure he's ready to hear the answers. And I'm not ready to give them to him._

 

I closed the notebook and hid it again, sighing deeply before rolling out of bed and gathering enough courage to open the door separating me from utter humiliation. The room went quiet as soon as they noticed me come in, all eyes on me, checking me over from head to toe.

„You look like shit!“ Paul cackled out, a frown creasing up his forehead. It was weird seeing him not smiling for once.

„Gee, thanks,“ I muttered, dragging my hand over my face and waddling to the couch where Adam had made a space for me to sit down, scooting closer to Richard.

„What the fuck happened?“ Paul asked, scratching his head.

„Paul..“ Adam growled, a warning tone in his voice.

„Yeah, yeah, I know you don't want us asking questions, but we deserve to know! He's our friend too!“ he snapped at him, directing his gaze back to me and waiting.

I sighed, he looked determined.

„It's family stuff. I had some bad news about my grandmother.“

„Oh...“

I had been right with the choice. Paul looked uncomfortable and in desperate need to change the subject. Everyone else seemed to find the ceiling very interesting all of a sudden. Everyone, except Adam. He was eyeing me with a weird look in his eyes, his forehead wrinkling up, but didn't say anything. I gave up on trying to interpret what it meant, he'll let me know when the time was right.

„So, how did the movie end?“ I asked, smiling at the guys like nothing had happened.

 

We got to the hotel a while later. Turned out I had only been out for half an hour. I grabbed my overnight bag and took off before everyone else, the cool air clearing my head. I didn't remember which city we were in now, but it didn't matter. I only needed to know it by tomorrow for the gig, so I wouldn't shout out the wrong name again. Adam had slapped the back of my head for that one.

I got my key and headed to my room, pleased with what I saw. We always got the best hotels where ever we went, which was weird. We weren't even that famous. What did they give Lady Gaga when she visited? 12 virgins and a mansion?

I had just flopped myself down on the king sized bed when a knock on my door disturbed my slumber. I had a pretty good idea who that might be, and right now I wished he wasn't here.

„Open up, Theo! I know you're in there!“ Adam's irritated voice echoed through to the bedroom.

I groaned and got myself up, dragging my feet in protest as I went to let him in.

He still had his coat on, like he hadn't even gotten to his room before coming here. Knowing him, it was probably true. I stepped aside and let him pass, going to the minibar after shutting the door behind him.

„Beer?“ I asked, getting two bottles out of the fridge.

He took his without answering, glaring down at me as I slumped down on the couch.

„You planning on standing while you drink?“ I asked, quirking an eyebrow. He just huffed, the lines on his forehead still prominent, but planted himself on the armchair opposite.

I pretended to be interested in the label of my bottle, not wanting to look him in the eye. The silence dragged on, smothering me from the inside out.

„So...“ I started, not baring it anymore. Better to be over with it than boil under his prying eyes.

„What really happened?“ he asked, setting his beer down on the table, directing his full focus on me.

„What do you mean?“ I said, keeping the shudder in my voice down to a minimum. I knew exactly what he meant, but hoped he'd leave it alone if I acted like everything was normal. Fake it till you make it?

„I mean,“ he said it with conviction, almost angrily, „I know it wasn't the news about your grandmother or something that threw you off the rails.“

„I don't know what you mean,“ I repeated stubbornly.

„I mean that she has been dead for two fucking years!“ Adam's voice grew louder. He seemed hurt that I was lying to him and I felt bad about it. But it was for his own good.

„Crap,“ I sighed, he really knew me too well.

„Yeah, crap,“ he glared at me, „you can shit with the others but you can't shit with me.“

I sighed, putting my bottle down as well. I decided to tell him the truth, at least as much of it as I dared to.

„Okay, it wasn't about my family. But I can't tell you what it really was either,“ I muttered, glancing up at him apologetically.

„Why not?“ he was still angry.

„Just trust me on this, okay? Please...I can't tell you. Not...yet.“ Not ever.

His features softened, worry taking over the anger in his eyes.

„But you're okay now, right?“ he asked for what seemed like the millionth time.

„Not yet, but I will be.“

That was as honest as I was gonna get. Adam nodded, sighing as he stood up.

„Okay then. Just...let me know if you need anything, from me, that is.“

Oh if he only knew...

„Of course. Don't I always?“ I chuckled, standing up as well to see him out.

„Yeah, you do,“ he laughed too, dragging me into a rough hug.

It was unexpected, my breath got stuck somewhere in my throat as I felt his body pressing against mine. I hugged him back, fighting the urge to bite down on his neck. It was just so close...so inviting...

And then it was over. He let go of me and turned his back, heading out of my room and leaving me staring at the closed door. A pathetic whine left my throat as I dragged my fingers through my hair, lowering my head. It turned into an annoyed groan as soon as I saw that the encounter had left me hard...again. This was getting ridiculous.

I unbuttoned my shirt as I made my way back to the bedroom, throwing it on an empty chair along with my jacket. I sat down on the edge of my bed, my pants tightening uncomfortably. I looked down at myself accusingly, like I could will it away by just scowling at it. Predictably, it didn't work, and I had to laugh at myself. Trying to win a staring contest with your own cock? I just hit a new low..

Sighing, I zipped my pants open, slipping my hand in and closing my fingers around myself, stroking along my length absentmindedly. Flashes of my reverie came back to me, Adam sprawled out on the table, moaning, begging...

And suddenly he was there, sitting on the couch, facing me, completely naked. My eyes snapped into focus, my mouth parting as a shuddering breath left my lungs. My grip tightened, my thumb rubbing over the tip. Adam just smiled back at me, that wicked half-smile that not many people got to see. He spread his hands, lifting them to rest on the back of the couch, his legs falling open, that grin still plastered over his ridiculously handsome face. It was like an invitation, a dare. My eyes ran over his skin, ever bit of it, watching in awe. His eyebrow quirked up when I finally got back to his face, his voice echoing through my head.

_You done with staring or what? No, no, take your time, we're in no hurry..._

But I _was_ in a hurry, since the moment he appeared in front of me. I stood up, shedding my pants on the way over, kneeling between his legs as he gazed down at me, smirking at my enthusiasm. I ran one of my hands up along his thigh, over his hip and up along his chest, my other hand working on myself in the process.

My hand slid down again, over his stomach, over his abdomen, navel..

And then he stopped me, grabbing my fingers and sliding off the couch to land right on my lap, placing my hand on his hip. He was so close, I could smell the scent of his skin, his aftershave. He took over, freeing both of my hands, allowing me to caress over his back, feeling every muscle, every bump in his spine. He arched closer to me, my mouth touching the hollow of his neck, his hips rolling lazily, creating friction. I moaned shamelessly, biting down on his skin, my hips starting to stutter up.

But then his hand disappeared, his arms wrapping around my neck, a wicked grin stretching his lips. I moved in to kiss him, but he rose up on his knees, getting out of reach. At first I wasn't sure what he was doing, only that I wanted more, my entire body ached for it.

And then he lowered himself, letting me breach his body, a soft satisfied sigh leaving his parted lips as he took me in, all the way, until he was sitting comfortably on my lap. He smiled, wiggling his hips in a circular motion, chuckling when I squeezed my eyes shut to keep myself together. He was so tight, so, so...

And then he started to really move, riding me effortlessly, his hot breaths washing over my face every time he came down, little moans accompanying them. I tightened my grip on his body and felt him close in on me even more, if that was even possible. It was almost painful, but oh so thrilling.

His movements sped up, the noises coming out of his mouth growing louder, making me twitch inside him.

Everything went white as I bit down on his shoulder, my body shaking, the most scandalous sounds filling the room.

Pain shot me back to reality and I found myself sitting on my bed, biting down on my own hand, the other sticky in the aftermath. My pants were tossed a few feet away and I was glad they weren't ruined.

I unclasped my teeth, examining my hand. There were deep bite marks on my skin, almost bloody in some places. I sighed, standing up and making my way to the shower. I was so screwed.


	4. Chapter 4

_Day 9_

_I haven’t seen him since he confronted me in my room. I’m rather glad he decided not to come knocking in the morning like he often does, I wouldn’t have been able to bear him anywhere near that couch…_

_God, I don’t think I can ever look at a white leather couch the same way again. Or the table in our bus. Or him in general._

_I have a plan though. Avoidance. I’m gonna avoid those evil urges that threaten to melt my brain every time he enters the room, and if it means avoiding him in the process…so be it. It hurts that I have to stay away, but it’s for the best. It would leave an even bigger dent on our friendship if I ended up humping his leg whenever he said my name in that breathy voice of his…_

_I’m getting so off course here, aren’t I? It’s like this entire project of mine is a bundle of sexual frustration that will never be relieved. I should just burn it. That would be the adult thing to do. But I’m obviously not one, that has been proven on too many occasions to count._

_  
_

I tucked the notebook in my jacket pocket, flipping the pen after it. I winced as my skin pulled tight over my knuckles, the bandage failing to keep the wound from stretching. I had hidden the teethmarks expertly, no one had asked or even noticed, the skin-coloured patch making it near invisible.

I looked around the venue, saw the people fussing over grates of equipment, rolling out wires, no one bothering to give a second glance to the hunched figure sitting cross-legged on a speaker, alone, in the dark. I preferred it this way, I could think freely, not worried about what someone might see written all over my face. Not that I had ever cared before.

It was different now, though. It wasn’t just me who would be affected when this came out. It was the band, all the people we had gotten used to having with us, the dynamics of it all, and the most important relationship I had ever had. I couldn’t lose my best friend for a silly thing like this. I’d rather spend the rest of my life pining after him than to let it destroy us.

„What’ya thinking about?“ Adam asked, landing down next to me. He startled me out of my thoughts, my muscles tensing up for a fraction of a second before I reminded them to chill the fuck out.

„Nothing,“ I muttered, turning back to look at the stage.

„The  _nothing_  game again, really?“ his mouth tightened into a slit, like he was trying to keep himself from saying something he would regret.

„I’m just wondering how many people will come tonight. This is a big venue.“

Lies. All of them. Filthy lies.

„Yeah…“ he didn’t sound convinced. Hell, I wouldn’t have either, „what’s that?“

I followed his gaze to see what caused the sudden change and found him staring at the bandage covering my hand. Sure, leave it to him to notice. 

„Nothing,“ I answered a little too quickly, trying to hide it behind my back, but Adam saw it coming, his fingers closing around my wrist to stop me from running away.

„Let me see!“ he insisted, ripping it off once I didn’t comply, making me hiss from pain. He stared at the circular markings on hand, his eyes growing wide when he understood what they were.

„Who bit you?“ he exclaimed, I could detect anger flaring up at the pit of his stomach.

„No one….uh,“ I snatched my hand away, smoothing it over my hair, not knowing what to say, „some crazy fan I ran into yesterday, no biggie.“

He frowned, with the same don’t-bullshit-me face he had used on me before. It cleared twice as fast, though.

„You’re such a bad liar, my friend, always were.“

He patted the back of my head and stood to give me space, clearly catching on to so much more than I had anticipated. But he didn’t pry, like he usually would. Maybe my confession last night satisfied him? I doubted that, which only made me wonder what he was planning.

I stepped off the stage, sweaty but satisfied. The crowd had been great, I had shouted out the right city and didn’t hit Adam with my micstand, or myself, as it more often ended up being. Adam swung an arm around my neck, smiling and talking, giving compliments to my voice and almost skipping in his step. He was always hyper after a gig, and I was always right up there with him, but this time my smile was fake, I knew it didn’t reach my eyes, but it was the best I could do.

Adam calmed down a little after he understood that I wasn’t cooperating, but his arm stayed in place, making me sweat. I was glad the aftermath of the concert concealed any evidence of that.

„Theo..“ Adam whined, tightening his grip on my neck, shaking me so I ended up bouncing against his side, my head mere inches away from his, „what’s wrong? Where’s that fun quirky guy I’ve gotten so used to over the years?“

„You think I’m fun?“ I asked, doubtful. He was always picking on me for my stupid jokes and awkward communication skills.

He just laughed, unhooking his arm, placing his palm flat against the side of my head and pushing me away. It was just the right amount of childish I’d accustomed to expect from him. I watched him go, frowning as my eyes averted to his ass before I could stop them. I dragged a hand down over my face, falling into step behind him.

***

There was something going on with him, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, and it disturbed me. I had always been good at reading him, most of the time he didn’t even have to talk for me to understand, but not this time. It was like he was deliberately trying to keep me out, something he had never done before, and I was afraid of what it meant.

I had noticed the little changes in his behaviour a while ago, even before he started knowingly concealing them. The way he fell into deep though, the way his face grimaced once they reached something he didn’t want to think about, the way his forehead always seemed to have a crease of worry in it nowadays, the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes and the way his laugh seemed forced. It wasn’t always like that, he could be the same hyper overgrown manchild he used to be, but something always dragged him back down once he let himself go even a little bit. It hurt me to see it, he was my best friend after all, and I promised to get to the bottom of it.

It hadn’t really worked though, not until he passed out on me on the bathroom floor, an incident that still left me with chills when I thought back on it. I gave up on subtle actions after that, going for brute force and honesty. I didn’t get much out of him though, I didn’t believe his promise to tell me what was going on either. I knew all his tells, I knew when he was lying and when he was sugar-coating the truth. If I wanted to understand, I had to find it out myself.

I had no idea how I was gonna pull it off, but then I noticed him sitting alone in the middle of the venue, scribbling something in a notebook. At first I though it was lyrics, or ideas for new songs, but he would’ve consulted it with me first, he always did. And then he had lied to me about his hand. There was no way it had been a crazed fan, he would’ve told everyone about it, loudly and probably with too much satisfaction in his voice. So it had to be something else, something personal for him to hide it that possessively. I was going to find out what it was.

I watched him that night on the bus, the way he fidgeted with his hands, his long fingers curling around each other to keep them from trembling. His eyes flickered around the room like he was a wild animal, looking anywhere but at me, his teeth gnawing at his lips. I wanted to slap him out of it, but no one else had noticed his behaviour and I intended to keep it that way.

I saw my opening once Paul announced that he was gonna take a shower and then crash to be fresh for tomorrow night. I excused myself as well, heading for the bunks, but not before I noticed Theo’s eyes finally on me, wide and frightened, like a deer in headlights. That expression was gone in an instant though, and I was left wondering if maybe I had imagined it all.

The door closed behind me and I was left in the dim light, staring at the bunks lined up along the walls. Instead of going to my own, I went and stood next to Theo’s, kneeling down to get a better look at it.

„If I was Theo, where would I hide you…“ I mumbled to myself, chuckling as soon as I understood how ridiculous that statement was. There was no way I was gonna be able to put myself in his position, his mind was too unique for that. I had always admired his ability to see what no one else saw, to draw conclusions from facts I saw no relation between. I was jealous of his imagination, the way his mind could wander and get lost in itself, the almost childlike excitement he attacked everything with, even the most unpleasant tasks. Everything he was made him a happy person. Even a couple of years ago, when we had nothing, he was always the one to cheer me up with no one else left to return the favour. I had felt guilty that I couldn’t do the same to him, but he somehow managed to crawl out of his dark holes all by himself. He was a survivor and I knew he’d get through whatever was eating him now as well, with or without my help, but I wanted to be there for him for once, whether he wanted me to or not.

I was thankful for the limited space, making it easier for me to find what I was looking for, that little notebook that held the secrets to his mind, or at least I hoped it would. Still, I couldn’t just rummage through his things, he would notice if his bunk looked like a localized hurricane hit it.

Suddenly I remembered the way he had felt for something under his pillow after waking up yesterday, fear in his eyes that vanished quickly, caution remaining. I lifted the pillow, exhaling audibly when a little rectangle came into view.

It looked insignificant, warn out from constant use, the edges broken and the covers crumpled. I could see Theo rolling it up and smoothing it out repeatedly, something he did unconsciously when he was deep in thought. I lifted the book up, opening the first page to see what I had actually stumbled upon.

_“Day 1_

_I’m gonna write everything down. That’s my New Year’s resolution…”_

I closed it as quickly as I had opened it, staring at the door separating me from the rest of the guys, frightened that someone might walk in, frightened about what I was doing. Should I do it? I felt guilty just looking at it, let alone reading it. It was the deepest abuse of trust I could think of and I couldn’t risk losing it. But the way things were going, there wouldn’t be any trust left to break soon anyway. At least that’s what I told myself.

I opened it again, taking in the ragged handwriting that was so distinctly Theo’s and spoke so much of his character. My eyes drank his words, a soft chuckle leaving my mouth as I could almost hear him say those things to me in person. All his quirks were here, spilled over the pages for everyone to see.  _ Not everyone _ , I reminded myself,  _ not even me _ .

And then it all changed. I wasn’t smiling anymore, I was terrified. I read and heard it all in my head, but I didn’t listen, not until I reached the explicit descriptions that left my mouth dry. I couldn’t have put the notebook down even if I’d wanted to, I was so lost in it, so submerged that I could see it all, every little detail he had provided me with. And it left me breathless.

I stared at the last page blankly once I ran out of words, my thoughts racing at the speed of light, every little sign he had given me suddenly taking on a whole other meaning. How could I’ve been so  _ blind _ ? It all made sense now.

If I’d been even a little confused about any of it, my body answered my questions for me. Those dreams of his…

I made a split second decision once I heard Paul getting out of the shower, grabbing the pen from his shelf and scribbling a note for him to find.

 

***

 

I was the last one to crash, putting off the dreams I would no doubt be having tonight if the thoughts running through my head were any indication. I knew I tended to speak in my sleep, so it was better to let everyone else pass out before I made even the tiniest attempt to join them. If I moaned out Adam’s name…I would never hear the end of it.

I stepped into the bunk area, waiting till my eyes adjusted to the dim light, tiptoeing over the floor so as not to wake them. I got rid of my clothes, laying everything except my boxers out on my suitcase, so I wouldn’t have to fish for them tomorrow morning, and crawled into bed. I laid there staring at the ceiling of my bunk after closing the curtains, just thinking about everything Adam had said to me today, the way he called me on my bluff and simply accepted it, making me even more worried about what he was thinking.

I dragged out my notebook, ready to write today down with all my suspicions, probably laced with the possible outcomes of this situation once it all got blown wide open. Nothing would have prepared me for this outcome, though. I couldn’t have foreseen it even in my wildest dreams, which were pretty wild if I do say so myself.

On the bottom of my last entry were words written in a different handwriting from my own. Long, loopy letters I would’ve recognized anywhere, with the amount I had seen them during our long months of solitary confinement. They were distinctly Adam’s, and my heart stopped beating before my brain managed to comprehend the meaning of those words.

_You won’t know until you ask_

_  
_

***

 

I heard him come in after everyone else had quieted down, moving so softly that I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't distinctly searching for it. I had waited up for him, impatient to see his reaction. Or help him if he broke down again, although that was definitely not something I was hoping for.

Then it was my turn to hold my breath. He slipped his jacket off his shoulders, slowly, deep in thought. He opened the tiny buttons on his shirt one by one, revealing more and more as he progressed. My fingers started drawing a pattern on the white sheet beneath me without permission, my mind replacing the rough surface of the fabric with his skin, soft and alive. I had thought I was alone in this, my traitorous body wanting to do things to my best friend I shouldn't even think about. Even now it was reacting to the show put on for it, even if the subject itself was oblivious to his audience. It made it even better, somehow. More dangerous.

I bit down on my lower lip as his long slender fingers reached for his belt, tugging at it absentmindedly. He let his trousers drop to the floor with a soft thud, stepping out of them and picking them up. He had hardly any fat on him, the hard muscles drawing out under his skin, his ribs casting shadows in the dim light. I made a mental note to feed him more, but not before I had gotten my hands on the angular planes of his body.

He straightened up, his tight boxers not leaving much for the imagination. I brought my legs up against my chest, refusing to attend to myself, saying I deserved to be left hanging for being a Peeping Tom.

I got to relax once he had climbed into his bunk, giving me a nice view in the process, and closing the curtains. My relief was mixed with annoyance. Now I wouldn't be able to see his face when he opens his notebook, I would have no idea what he was thinking, no clue whether I had made the right move or screwed it up for good. I sighed, turning on my back and closing my eyes, not feeling sleepy in the slightest. My mind was wandering until a soft gasp reached my ears, the voice behind it distinctly Theo's. I turned my head to look at the closed curtain of his bunk, analysing the short sound to make out whether it was good or bad, never reaching a conclusion.

I closed my eyes quickly when his fingers lifted the curtain back, only a tiny bit to enable him to glance out, probably in my direction. I pretended to be asleep, breathing deeply and evenly, my mouth slightly parted. It took him a moment before I heard the shuffle of fabric and I dared to open my eyes again, still no closer to the answer I was looking for.

I turned my back to the hallway, curling up in a tight ball and forcing myself to sleep. The next day was going to be a turning point one way or another, and it would come by quicker if I didn't spend the whole night laying out possible scenarios in my head, one worse than the other. I had been confident when I wrote down those words, now they seemed cheap and hasty. My resolve faltered and I got scared of his reaction. I knew him well, but this was undiscovered territory and I was lost, right along with him.

„ _Adam..._ “

I froze, my eyes flying open. It had been quiet in the room for a while now, I had assumed he had fallen asleep, something I seemed to be unable to do. But, then again, maybe he  _was_  already dreaming...about me? I swallowed a groan and buried my face in the crook of my arm, knowing that if Theo didn't take that final leap tomorrow, I was gonna have to.

 

***

 

_You won’t know until you ask_

 

That line was the first thing running through my head when I woke up. It was his voice that breathed it in my ear and I almost believed it was real, until I opened my eyes. The bland roof of my bunk sucked all the magic out of the air, and the cold space next to me told me I was still alone. I closed my eyes again, dragging the blanket over my head, revelling in the warmth that my own body had created under it.

I could have stayed like that forever, probably would have if my mind hadn't made the connection between the bed under me staying still and the fact that I was still on the bus. We had arrived over night and by the sound of it, everyone had woken up before me. There was rough laughter and muffled words coming in through the closed door. At least someone had made sure I wasn't disturbed, and I had a pretty good idea who that was...

I threw the blanket off myself, laying uncovered and feeling the cool air pinching at my naked skin. Adam. I had to go out there, joke with the guys and pretend that he hadn't read what I had written, that he didn't know the sickness that'd been occupying my head, that he hadn't left me the note that he did?

 

_You won’t know until you ask_

 

The words kept circulating in my head, up to the point where every other sentence would have lost its meaning a long time ago, but not this. This was here to stay.

I gave up eventually, I couldn't hide out forever. We had places to be, people to see, parties to attend. I was gonna get trashed tonight, I promised myself  _that_  at least.

 

„Good morning sleeping beauty!“ Paul cackled as I walked into the lounge, suited up and hair combed back, ready to face anything.

Almost anything.

Everything except the way Adam was sprawled out in the armchair, his eyes sleepy and bluer than ever, his hair tousled, that little twitch of his mouth when he saw me coming in. He looked so fucking hot I wanted to bite down on his still scruffy chin and hear him whimper.

No. That was not what I should be thinking about before a day full of interviews, while my mates are looking up at me, expecting a snarky comeback or at least a nod of comprehension. I tore my eyes away, instantly missing the depth of them, forcing my focus on Paul whose big coweyes were still latched onto my face.

„What, you wanna be my prince?“

That brought on a rumble of laughter all around so I knew I had done well, just what they expected. One laugh stood out though, a quiet snicker, more breathy than audible. I might have missed it if my ears hadn't been specially tuned to it. I glanced up at Adam again, finding his eyes crinkled in a wide smile, discarding all insecurities he had about his teeth. He looked at me differently. Not bad differently...differently differently.

„We have an interview in an hour,“ I finally spoke directly at him, the corner of my mouth twitching up without me telling it to do so. I couldn't help it, with Adam still in his sleeping pants that had piano keys drawn all over them. Such a cliché he was.

„ I know,“ he moaned, letting his head fall back against the chair, his arms falling slack on his sides. I smiled more widely now, the pressure of keeping secrets from him finally lifted. Yes, I didn't know what was gonna happen between us now, or if  _ anything _  was going to be the same after this, but I didn't care. Not when Adam was still acting the same, still goofing around, still talking to me.

„Not envying you mates in the slightest!“ Paul chuckled, correcting himself once Pete opened his mouth to object, „not  _today_  at least!“

„That's better,“ Richard huffed, elbowing him in the ribs.

„So you getting ready or what?“ I asked Adam when it came clear he wasn't doing anything to speed things along.

„Yeah, yeah, mother,“ he grumbled, standing up and shuffling to the bedroom, „you gonna come and help me get dressed?“

 

_ You won't know until you ask _

 

He glanced back, his eyebrow raised in a challenge, the first real sign that yesterday had really happened. My smile faltered for a second, but i managed to restore it to its former brightness without no one noticing. Well, no one except  _him_  of course.

„I can call your mom if you have forgotten how to button up your pants, you know,“ I chuckled, not letting him phase me.

„Keep rubbing it in, why don't you,“ he scowled at me, still letting me see his smile before he turned and walked away.

„Keep rubbing what in?“ Paul asked, curious as ever.

I smiled at the memory, still looking at the closed door my best friend had disappeared behind.

„His mom has a crush on me,“ I simply shrugged.

Paul laughed, waving it off.

„Yeah right! Mama Anderson has a crush on y-“ he shut up once he saw my sideways glance, his eyes going wide.

„Seriously!“ his mouth was gaped open as he watched me heading towards the bathroom, shouting after me „ _seriously?!_  How come I don't even know  _what she looks like!?_ “

 

I sat down on the black couch across from the interviewer, settling in comfortably. Adam landed next to me, closer than it was strictly necessary, his thigh touching mine, little needles poking at my skin through the fabric. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, crossing my legs and angling myself slightly away from him. I needed a clear head to get through this, it's not like  _he_  ever spoke unless it was to make a witty comment.

The girl who sat down with us was actually rather nice compared to most of the ignorant people we had to talk to on a regular basis. I actually had to think about the answers before giving them on auto pilot. My tongue faltered when Adam placed his arm on the back of the couch behind me, scooting even closer. The next question went by me without reaching my brain so I turned the microphone towards Adam. He looked down at me, raising his eyebrows until his forehead crinkled up, giving me an incredulous look, but answered nonetheless. I could feel his breath on my cheek as he spoke, with that sleepy voice that never really went away. His arm brushed against the back of my shoulders, forcing me to look down and pretend I was thinking of an answer myself.

And then came the question about girlfriends, and I almost laughed out loud. It was too ironic. I made a joke about falling in love five times on my way over there and felt Adam stiffen up next to me. Adam just gave the usual „no comment“ that he always mumbled out when he was asked a personal question.

And then it was over. He stood up and the cold feeling that spread through the parts of my body he had been touching just moments ago was in no way amusing. We walked back to our over-night hotel in silence, I could almost taste the tension in the air. I didn't know where to start though. It had felt so easy in the morning, but now I was lost again.

„So are you going out with us tonight?“ Adam finally spoke up.

„Yeah, of course,“ I muttered, eyeing him quizzically. It wasn't even a question worth answering.

„So I'll come by your room before?“

That again was usual and I relaxed a bit.

„Yeah.“

And now it was awkward again. _  Great. _

 

Adam knocked on my door 10 minutes too early. Should have expected that one.

„What, you're not dressed yet?“ he asked, taking in my appearance, his eyes lingering a little too long on certain parts.

„You're bloody early again, aren't you?“ I crumbled through the toothbrush in my mouth, jogging back to the bathroom in an undershirt and boxers.

„Exactly,  _again_! Should be used to it by now, shouldn't you?“

He got quiet after that so I could finish rinsing my mouth in peace. I fixed my hair, adding extra pomade for it to stay put the whole night through. When I got back to the living room, Adam was sitting on a couch that looked an awful lot like the one I'd had in my last room, his hands exactly where I remembered them in my fantasy, gazing up at me wickedly. He cocked his head to the side, spreading his legs slowly, making my mind freeze up.

He was doing this on purpose. He had read the detailed description, he bloody knew it all! And he fucking enjoyed it.

I clenched my jaw and turned my back on him with resolve, heading to the bedroom, flipping him off on the way. I heard a chuckle from behind, smiling a little myself.

„Club or pub?“ I shouted out as I slipped my hands in the sleeves of my white shirt. 

„Pub. Gives all the benefits of booze without the discomfort of having to dance.

„I love to dance!“ I crumpled out, mostly to myself, but he heard it anyway.

„Only when you're shitfaced. And I'm not even sure it qualifies as dancing per say...“ I could hear laughter in his voice.

I huffed, remembering perfectly well the last time we had danced in the club, the memory stirring something in the bit of my stomach.

„You were right there with me, mate,“ I stated as I returned to the living room fully suited, finding Adam exactly where I had left him, legs spread and all. I frowned down at him, buttoning up, not even trying to hide that I was checking him out. He seemed to consider me from tip to toe as well. Whatever he saw must have met his approval as he finally stood up and, thank god, got his crotch out of my face.

„Right then, you ready?“ he asked, already walking towards the door, not waiting for my answer. I rolled my eyes and followed.

 

„Seriously? Who picked this place?“ I whined, staring at the entrance of the shithole he had dragged me to.

„Me,“ he answered, chipper and clearly pleased with himself.

I sent him a questioning look, following him in none the less. The interior was an upgrade from the first impression, but it was still shady. We rarely stopped in places like this, always choosing the high end clubs and pubs that people had recommended to us on the way.

„Where are the others?“ I asked, not seeing them among the inebriated people tumbling around.

„They're not coming,“ Adam simply shrugged and left to order us drinks.

„Not coming?“ I asked, grabbing his shoulder when he didn't answer nor looked at me, turning him to face me, „what do you mean they're not coming?“

„Just that. They're not coming. I thought we could use some...quality time together,“ he looked at me, not blinking, his expression giving away nothing.

„Some quality...“ I breathed out, my eyes growing wide once I understood what he meant, „did you bring me here to get me drunk?“

„Obviously,“ he laughed like I had lost my mind, like it wasn't even a question.

„You  _know_ what I mean,“ I whispered, suddenly finding the rim of my glass very interesting.

„Just stop thinking too much. I know it's a challenge for you but, try. Just for tonight,“ Adam dropped his smug act, his eyes pleading with me.

I considered him for a second, giving up under the big puppy-dog eyes he was casting at me. My shoulders relaxed and I took a big gulp of my drink, smirking at him, waiting for him to show me his plan.

 

Turned out he didn't have one. We fell into the familiar banter, talked about nothing and everything, laughed, had a proper night out together like we hadn't had in a long time, not just the two of us. No women, no nosy bandmates, just the comfortable company of my best friend, whom I hadn't talked to properly in a long while, it turned out. No one bothered us, maybe because of the way we looked, so out of place in a tacky pub, maybe because they saw we didn't want them to.

I let myself melt into the couch I was sitting on, sliding lower, a comfortable spin of my head robbing me from the last threads of attention I was able to give to anything. Adam was still babbling away, I caught half of the words, the other half going missing on the way as I was too busy staring at his mouth to notice.

„You 'kay?“ he mumbled out, head resting against the back of the couch only a few inches above mine.

I smiled up at him with a dazed expression, nodding slightly. He laughed, raising his hand and poking at one of my dimples. He didn't retrieve his hand afterwards, letting his fingers linger on my cheek, just a light brush that left my skin tingling. His chin nudged forward, the distance between us growing smaller with a terrifying speed.

I sat up with a jerk, startling Adam out of his daze, „Let's dance!“

I grabbed his hand and dragged him with me when he didn't stand up by himself. He looked annoyed and a little disappointed, but let me pull him along nonetheless, not easing up on the complaints though.

„This isn't a club, Theo!“

„So? There's music!“

„ _That_  isn't music, that's just background noise that makes people wanna drink more.“

„Who cares! I'm pretty sure some of those people have passed out already.“

We reached the little space in the middle of the room that allowed a little movement. I turned around, dragging him closer by his hand and placing it around my waist. He seemed a lot more compliant now, the corner of his mouth smirking up, that wicked grin returning. He pulled me closer without needing any more encouragement, his fingers fanning out on my lower back, my abdomen colliding with his. His face was so close to mine, his eyes dark and clouded as he stared down at my mouth. His tongue flicked out, wetting his dry lips, leaving them shining in the rare light. I dared to place my palms flat on his chest, smoothing them up over the shirt that covered his collarbones, my fingers stopping on the back of his neck. The weight of my arms made his head fall forward, his forehead resting on mine. I suddenly came aware of the fact that we weren't actually dancing, we were just standing there, in the middle of the shittiest pub I had set foot in over the past few years, breathing each other's air. I bit down on my lip, my nose crunching up a little as my brain tried to reason me out of it, but ended up being overpowered by my hormones.

I leaned into him, the entire length of my body pressing against his, making him step back. We tumbled backwards until Adam's shoulders hit the pillar a few feet away, hot air rushing out of his lungs, washing over my face. His arms circled my chest, his mouth parting as his eyes grew darker. I pushed my hips forward, feeling him pressing against me. He gasped before nudging forward again, trying to capture my lips, failing as I pulled away.

„Let's get out of here,“ I mumbled, turning and leaving him standing there, panting, before he pushed himself away from the pillar and ran to catch up. No one in the pub were looking at us. We had done something that would change everything for us, and no one even noticed.

 

I led this time, cutting through the streets in the dark without hesitation. I knew where I was heading, where  _we_  were heading, and I was ready. Adam was walking behind me, acknowledged only by the heavy breathing, no words were exchanged, none were needed.

He didn't question the fact that we weren't heading back to the hotel, trusting me to know what I was doing. And I did. The hotel was too far, I might chicken out if we had to wait that long. The bus on the other hand was parked only a few blocks away, and we'd have it all to ourselves.

It looked dark and looming when we reached it, but full of whispered promises. I unlocked the door, stepping in, still forcing myself not to look behind me. If I saw him now, with those eyes fixed on me, the same anticipation I was feeling mirrored back at me...

I walked straight to the kitchen, hearing footsteps behind me, indicating that he had followed. There wasn't much in the fridge but for Gin and beer so I took one out, turned and offered it to him, as a final way out before the situation couldn't be saved anymore. He looked at it in my hand, then questioningly back at my face, took it and tossed it on the counter without opening it. I watched the damn thing sitting there, the shape of his fingers clearly drawn out in the condensation, swallowed and returned my eyes to his. And then I was gone.

He grabbed at my collar, bringing me close and walking us back to the lounge, stumbling a little as our legs tangled together. Our eyes never left each other, our hands gripping the other close, like either of us was gonna go anywhere. He was slightly shorter than me, my mouth in perfect level with his freckled nose, my lips caressing over it without really kissing it. He mumbled something incoherent into my chin, his eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed.

He stopped once we reached the lounge, lifting his head and opening his eyes, as dark as they had been the first night I had seen him like this, so impatient, so far gone. He tilted his head, breathing in sharply as his lips brushed against mine for a brief moment until I pulled away again, smiling wickedly. That's when I found out that Adam gets possessive and controlling when he's horny and denied the outlet.

He growled from the bit of his stomach, his teeth baring, hooking a leg behind mine to push me down on the carpet. I fell with a thump, the fall only slightly softened by his firm grip on my body, and then he was all over me. His chest pressing down on mine, his leg between mine, pushing up, his hands roaming over my clothed body until he managed to untuck my shirt from my pants. His mouth latched onto my neck, biting and nibbling between frantic kisses, breathing heavily through his nose. I groaned softly, one of my legs twisting around his, keeping him in place, my arms hugging him to me. My head twisted back, baring my neck for further assaulting, my mouth opening in a silent gasp.

„Ad'm,“ I sighed, placing my hands on either side of his head, encouraging him to continue.

He tore his lips away from my skin with a smack, lifting his head to look down at me, his lips red and glistening. Resolve shined through his gaze as he took hold of my head, keeping it in place, and finally pressed his lips to mine. I let him, no longer having the conviction to stay away.

His mouth was soft on mine, at first, capturing my lower lip and sucking slightly. His lips were damp and hot, adding more pressure once the initial shock was over. He opened his mouth wide and crazed his teeth up along my jaw, over the little scar I knew was there. His teeth reached my lip, biting down on it softly, adding more pressure and pulling it away with him. I hissed as my head lolled back, my mouth gaped open to accommodate the fast breaths that were torturing my lungs.

And then his tongue was in my mouth, running over mine, caressing and pulling. He was so talented at it, I kept thinking it was not fair. How could I give him up after this? After I had a taste of what it could be like?

He moaned into my mouth, thrusting his tongue even deeper, cutting off my air supply completely. I groaned, my hips twitching up to rub along his thigh that was still pressed firmly against me. I felt him smile into our kiss, his head turning until his nose was in line with mine, the sharp tip of his tongue dragging a line right across the roof of my mouth as he pulled away, leaving me wide-eyed and gasping.  

He stretched out on top of me like a cat, his limbs slithering all over me, smiling as he nuzzled my cheek. I placed my palms on his ass, squeezing slightly before pulling his hips flush against mine, urging him to move, help out, do  _something_.

„Needy, are we?“ he breathed against my skin, his voice low and rough.

„Shut'p,“ I mumbled, my hips jerking up again.

His hand slipped down between us, fumbling with my belt, the fabric of my pants stretching snugly against my hard-on, making me gasp already. He grazed his teeth over my jawline as he snuck a hand inside, palming me once before wrapping his fingers around me. My knees rose up from the ground as I sucked in a breath, my thigh flying up between his legs. He pressed himself down on it as he stroked me, moving his hips in slow circles. I bit down on my lip as I moved to unzip his pants too, getting us even. I hesitated before slipping my fingers into his boxers, not really sure of what I was doing.

„Mmmm,“ came a soft moan from his throat as I caressed my fingertips over his length, encouraging me to try further. I wrapped my hand around his tip, sliding it down till I reached the base and took it up again, repeating it in slow thrusts. His hips moved along with my movements, the grip he had on my cock growing stronger. His lips were leaving lazy kisses on my neck, the vibration of his guttural moans doing so much more.

I whined when he took his hand away, lifting my hips as he tried to drag my pants lower, revealing every inch of me. He did the same to himself after unclasping my fingers, lowering himself on me a moment later. Our dicks lined up between us, a weird feeling I thought I could definitely get used to. His nose was back to nuzzling my neck, his hands dragging my shirt up higher to reveal my stomach.

The first thrust of his hips left me choking for air, the second almost made me cry. I was trying to keep myself from exploding too early, the built-up sexual frustration threatening to overflow any second. I angled my hips up to meet him, short jerky thrusts that somehow matched his long languid ones. Our cocks slid together, our bodies supplying the right amount of pressure, sweat pearling up only to be smeared by every touch, caress and kiss.

„Adam,“ I warned him, knowing it would be over for me any second now.

He latched onto my lips as an answer, mumbling nonsense, making his thrusts more agile. His fingers tugged at my hair, his forehead crinkling up as he breathed hotly into my mouth. I let out a strangled sob as I came, throwing my head back and arching off the carpet, Adam riding on it with me, his thrusts growing more desperate.

„God, you're hot like this,“ he groaned as he buried his face in my neck, his hips jerking up a few more times until he stilled on top of me.

 

My arms were clasped over his back, my limbs heavy, but my head light. Adam didn't move for a while, trying to gather his brain back into his skull before rolling over and landing on his back next to me. We stared at the ceiling for a while, both dazed and breathing heavily.

I groaned after glancing down at myself and the mess we had made.

„Shit, I hope you didn't jizz on my clothes, man,“ I moaned, dragging the hem of my shirt a little higher just in case.

„You better hope any of it didn't land on the carpet! Try explaining  _that_ to the guys,“ he grumbled, silence falling between us after that. But only for a moment as we both burst out laughing from the sheer horror of the mental image.

„I'm leaving it up to you to tell them we frotted all over their favourite carpet,“ I chuckled, wiping tears from my eyes.

„Like hell you are! We're in this together!“ Adam's bewildered shout made me turn my head to look at him.

He was laying next to me, his shirt sticking to his stomach, his pants half way down his thighs. What made me swallow was his face, though. The flush of his cheeks, the darkness in his eyes, the tousled hair and the little smile that lingered on his lips. I smiled back at him, lifting my hand and pressing a finger to his cheek like he had done to me in the pub.

„Yeah, I guess we are.“


	5. Chapter 5

_Day 16_

  
  


_So the secret is out. And I'm not sorry._

_I thought everything would crash and burn once the shit hit the fan, but it hasn't. I'm still waiting though, not able to relax properly until something reassures me. Or someone..._

_Adam has been wonderful (and if you're reading this after I've repeatedly told you not to, even threatening you with tweeting a picture of you in your adorable sleeping pants, you're fucked)._

_(and no I didn't mean_ fucked  _fucked, just...oh nevermind you know what I meant....)_

 _The others haven't noticed the difference in us, even though it practically screams at me every time we're all together. I mean, how can they not notice when it's so obvious to us? Well, I can only speak for myself cause we still haven't talked about what happened between us with Adam, I'm not sure we ever will. What if it was a one time deal for him? I mean...it's not like i have_ feelings  _for him, it's just...I really enjoyed it, you know?_

_Forget it, I don't even know why I haven't burned this piece of brilliance yet. Adam found it, and yes that turned out to be a good thing in the end, but if he could do it, those snoopy bastards in the other room could too. I don't want to fuck all of them._

_No, really, I don't._

_So from now on, I'll keep it with me, at all times. Could become uncomfortable...but I'm willing to bet my comb that the alternative would be even worse._

_And Adam, again, if you pried this from my drunken fingers and are having the time of your life right now in my expense, I'll never go down on you!_

  
  


That last threat was a little empty, I must admit, considering we haven't touched each other after that one night on the bus a week ago. And I'm not even sure something like that would appeal to me, to be honest. I mean sure, I've thought about it. A lot. But when it came down to actually  _doing_  it? I wasn't sure I'd manage not to freak out.

I tucked the notebook into my jacket pocket so it was snugly pressed against my chest, where I could always feel its presence. It wasn't big, so it went practically unnoticed for everyone else, just the way it was intended. I wasn't fooling myself into thinking Adam wouldn't notice, cause he somehow always did. Whenever I was angry, sad, had something on my mind or was in any way different from my usual chipper self. Truth was, I couldn't always be happy for everyone, I had things on my mind too, things that kept the smile from reaching my eyes sometimes, or made my laugh feel forced. Those were the times he always sat me down and demanded the truth, and I loved it, even though I wasn't thrilled about it  _ while _  it happened. It was good to have someone know you that well, so thoroughly that he sometimes told me things about myself that I wasn't even aware of yet.

I got my head back to the present as I opened the door to the lounge, joining the bundle of a band that was sprawled out over the couches and the floor, staring at the TV like it was a lifeline. I noticed Adam had saved me a seat, the way he always did lately, much to the irritation of the guys.

„Hey, Goldylocks! Princess saved you a seat...again,“ Paul groaned from the ground, rubbing his butt as it was no doubt sore from the stonehard floor.

„Goldylocks? Why do I have to be Goldylocks?“ I frowned, landing down on my seat next to Adam who made no attempt to give me more room, although there was a huge gap between him and Richard on his other side.

„'Cause of your  _beautiful_  shiny hair of course!“ Paul whined ironically, trying to find a more comfortable sitting position, „and Adam's Princess cause....well he just  _is_.“

„I'm not blond though,“ I mumbled, not even bothering to answer the part that mentioned Adam. Cause let's be honest, Paul was right.

„Don't care,“ came an exasperated answer before the room fell quiet again, only the sound of the telly keeping me from the deafening silence. I didn't do good with silence, that's why I constantly spoke. It freaked me out.

I noticed something moving from the corner of my eye, light against dark. I dared a glance towards Adam who hadn't said a word since I came in, my gaze stopping on his hand that was resting on his knee, his pale fingers drawing patterns on the black fabric of his pants. I had noticed him doing it before, more so over the course of last week. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he had suddenly gotten so fidgety, my thought process always hitting a brick wall when my cock got distracted by my vivid imagination.

His lean finger ran in small circles before getting off course, sliding further down his thigh, forming intricate patterns my eyes couldn't follow, specially when they were now glued between my best friend's legs. I bit my lip and looked away, praying that the little show hadn't sent all the blood rushing down south, and therefore condemned me completely. My brain certainly didn't seem to get enough oxygen, what with the way it kept freezing and throwing graphic images at me.

„I'm going to sleep,“ I announced, getting up and putting as much distance between me and Adam as I could.

„Already? Maybe you're Sleeping Beauty instead, huh?“ Paul huffed, getting up from the floor and landing next to Adam, almost falling on his lap. I hadn't realised how close he had gotten to me.

I flipped him off and headed to the bunks, slipping out of my jacket and fishing the notebook out of its pocket before throwing it down on my bag. I had just finished hiding it inside my pillowcase when I heard the door behind me open.

„You okay?“ Adam's voice came from behind me, so I stood up and faced the menace who had made me flee with the excuse that I was sleepy at nine o'clock in the evening.

„Yeah, why wouldn't I?“ I answered, shrugging my shoulders dismissively.

Adam's eyebrow arched up, indicating he had no intention of believing me.

„Do I have to steal your diary again? Cause you know I will...“

„It's not a  _diary_!“ I whined, muttering the last part, „it's a journal.“

„Yeah, whatever. So?“ he wasn't gonna let this go.

I sighed, running my hand over the back of my head, looking down at my feet. I had no idea what to say to him. Yes, we had done stuff, stuff that should break down all boundaries, but I was still not sure if he thought of it as a one-time deal or something we could possibly repeat in the future.

I didn't have to wonder long though.

„Hey...“ his voice was incredibly soft now as he approached me, placing a finger under my chin and lifting it up to see my yes. He was so close..

„You can tell me, you know that, right?“ he smiled sweetly, cupping a hand to my cheek.

I smiled back unintentionally, just a small twitch of my mouth that didn't really penetrate the worry in my mind.

„I...“ my voice seemed cracked, like I hadn't used it for ages. I tried again after clearing my throat.

„Why haven't we talked about what happened last week?“ I went with a subtle approach, not giving away my opinion on the matter.

„I don't know...you didn't bring it up so I thought maybe you had second thoughts.“

Adam shrugged, trying to look indifferent, but his eyes were speaking volumes. I couldn't detect all the emotions that were lingering there, but I was almost sure I could see the hope. His hand that was still cupping my face also gave away a lot. Relief washed over me and a slow sly smile spread over my lips.

„So that's what the fingering was all about?“

Adam almost coughed out a laugh as I went bright red when I understood what I had just said.

„No...Adam, damn it you know what I meant!“ I whispered loudly, checking the door to the lounge that he had left half open.

He chuckled, but composed himself pretty quickly when he saw the pout forming on my face.

„No, Theo, don't...it's fine,“ he huffed a little laugh, unable to keep it down, „and yes, I'm glad you noticed. I was hoping it would get a reaction out of you one way or another.“

He was smiling smugly at me now, so sure of himself. I knew it was mostly only an act, but it was a good one.

„You're mean, you know that?“ I narrowed my eyes at him, „I practically had to think of dead puppies and naked grandmas to keep the tent down in my pants.“

The bluntness of that statement made Adam cough, his hands flying to his mouth to keep himself quiet.

„ _Theo_! You don't say stuff like that without giving the guy a little warning first!“ he whined, wiping the tears from his eyes.

„Like you gave me a fair warning back there?“ I asked, arching an eyebrow, suggesting towards the lounge where the guys were still sitting and watching TV, oblivious to what was going on behind their backs.

„Hey, that was only payback,“ Adam shook his head, smiling again.

„Payback? For what!“

„For giving me a boner a few weeks ago.“

He was staring at me like I should know what he was talking about.

„A...what do you mean?“ I was confused now.

„When Paul caught you coming out of the toilet with your notebook...well I didn't know it was just a notebook you were holding at the time, now did I? The thought of you wanking off in there...“

I blushed and frowned, trying to remember that day. I recalled it didn't end that well.

„Oh  _come on_! It was too obvious! I tried to hide it...seems it worked,“ he laughed, heading to his cot.

„If you say so...“ I dragged out, an image of Adam crossing his legs beside me crossing my mind. I had naively thought it was to give me more space.

„Yeah,“ he smiled when he saw the realisation in my eyes, unbuckling his belt and letting his pants drop to the floor. I gulped, trying to keep my eyes from flickering down, deciding it was better to just turn around and mind my own business while Adam stripped behind me. I had no intention of taking a long cold shower right now.

„Gonna be a good show tomorrow,“ Adam mumbled from behind me after the ruffling of his sheets had quieted down. I dared to turn around.

„Yeah, big crowd,“ I shrugged, praying for the awkwardness in the room to quiet down even just a little bit. The small smile on his lips stayed in place as I stared back at him, wanting to undress and get to bed as well, but feeling uncomfortable doing so with him watching.

„Could you...“ I gestured with my finger for him to turn his back, which only made him chuckle.

„Nothing I haven't seen before,“ he grinned, propping his head up on his hand and settling in more comfortably.

I frowned at him, heat rising up my neck to my cheeks. I had seen that face before. It was his I'm-gonna-do-this-no-matter-what-you-think face, and I didn't like it. But you got to work with what you're given.

I arched an eyebrow at him, putting on the smuggest face I could manage, biting my lip for a good measure. I could see him gulp as I unbuttoned my shirt deliberately, slowly, cocking my head to the side. I found I was quite enjoying the hungry look in his eyes, the way his eyes roamed over the naked skin he was offered as I slid out of the white button-down, throwing it on top of my jacket. I dared to push the boundaries even more, sliding my fingertips slowly down over my naked stomach till they reached the edge of my belt. The metal buckle was cold under my touch as I got it out of the way, unbuttoning and slipping out of my pants.

„You're  _evil_ ,“ Adam moaned from his bunk, curling up on himself and hiding under a pillow.

I chuckled, freed from the spell of the moment, finally able to go to bed and get some much needed sleep. I laid down on my side, facing the hallway, waiting for Adam to emerge from the bundle of his bedsheets.

When his eyes came into view, I smiled sleepily, the toll of the day weighing heavy on me. He looked back, blushing a little from the earlier, not saying a word. It had this sense of belonging, the knowing looks exchanged across the little room with the guys cackling mere a couple of feet away from us.

My eyes grew heavy, the lids falling shut on their own accord, unconsciousness taking over. Before I slipped away completely, a soft voice reached my ears.

„ _Good night, Theo.“_

  
  


  
  


„That was  _brilliant_!“ I squealed out when we got back to our dressing room. I restrained myself from clapping my hands like a five-year-old.

„It sure was,“ Adam laughed, looking at me with a fond smile on his lips, „Evelyn was specially good tonight.“

„I haven't forgiven you for that yet, you know,“ I narrowed my eyes at him.

He had stood next to me like he always did, playing his guitar, revelling in the attention the crowd was giving him. Then he stepped closer, again, like usual, his warm breath tickling my neck as he leaned in and touched his forehead to my temple. His skin was cool against the fuming heat of mine, the cold shooting straight to my brain, making my senses extra alert. I felt his hair, soft but tickly, the tip of his nose brushing ever so slightly against my cheek. I heard him breathing, hot and heavy, hitching slightly.

I expected him to step away next, but he didn't. His forehead slipped down to rest on my cheekbone, his chin edging forward, his lips brushing softly over my jaw. And I blanked out. It was a blessing the songs were so thoroughly carved into my brain or I would've ended up a mumbling mess. I heard Adam huff out a laugh before eventually pulling away, sending me a wicked smile before disappearing from my line of sight.

He had done this in front of thousands of people, all those eyes recording every move me made, and I didn't know whether to be angry or shocked. I was probably both, for a while, but it was also somehow exhilarating. I found that I wasn't ashamed, nor scared. Which, of course, made me question my sanity.

„You saying you didn't  _enjoy_  it?“ Adam asked with the same evil grin he had sported on the stage, the one that showed his teeth and made him look like a delinquent.

„No...I'm just saying you shouldn't do that in front of everyone. The guys already think we're half married, no need to give them extra ammunition.“

„Oh and you think  _that_  would make them think we're screwing each other?“ Adam laughed incredulously back at me.

I swallowed at his bluntness, deciding on not correcting him on the whole screwing part. Cause there hadn't been any  _screwing_  involved whatsoever, nope, none. I was just afraid I would pass out from all the blood that had already coiled up in my head's general direction with the way my cheeks were fuming.

„Well I'm sorry if I'm trying to keep this little  _thing_  from the pack of wolves that is our crew. They'd eat us  _alive_!“ he had to see reason, he just had to.

„I think this  _thing_  has more chance of coming out once they notice their beloved rug has been molested, or find the lube stuck in the back of my drawer,  _or_  get their hands on the notebook that started this all!“ Adam emphasized the word „thing“ like it tasted bad in his mouth and I would've elaborated on it further, if I wasn't so stuck on the part where he mentioned lube. Cause with that he had made clear how far he was willing to take this... _thing_.

I made a mental note never to call it that again, it actually did taste bad in my mouth.

„Hey,  _you_ seduced  _me,_ don't go blaming it on me now!“ I yelped, somewhat embarrassed by the subject our innocent conversation had taken suddenly.

„I did  _what_?“ Adam coughed out, quirking an eyebrow, amusement written all over his face, his mood taking a U-turn.

„Don't play dumb, you know what I mean!“ I tried to whisper as a few members of our team walked past the cracked door, failing miserably.

„Oh you, dear boy,“ he chuckled, cupping his hands to my cheeks, his expression as soft as I'd ever seen it, „how boring would life be without you in it.“

„Aw, Adam, was that an actual compliment?“ I beamed at him, only to replace the smile with a frown a moment later, „wait, that  _was_ a compliment, right?“

He was still smiling, shaking his head slowly, expressing his disbelief, before pressing a firm kiss on my lips. I let out a protesting moan, pulling away reluctantly.

„What do you think you're doing? You can't just go around kissing me whenever you feel like it!“ I swatted a hand at his chest, glancing towards the door to make sure no one had seen us, still not stepping away from him though. One of his hands clasped my hip while the other stayed on my cheek, his blue eyes amused.

He pecked my lips again, staying close afterwards so I felt his words forming against my mouth, „Watch me.“

  
  


I should've known he would take it as a challenge. I should've fucking known.


End file.
